Well There Went My Weekend

"This is the worst thing you've ever done." - Marge Simpson
"You say that so much it's lost all meaning." - Homer Simpson

*sigh*

There it is, the first episode of Simpsons in HD. It may have been the format, or maybe the six pack I drank in nervous anticipation, but that episode just felt wrong. Not wrong like a shirt that shrunk in the wash, or wrong like putting ketchup on ice cream, it fell wrong like paying your grandma to let you watch your grandpa take a bath. Luckily my wife suggested that we Tivo it so we could fast forward through the commercials and lessen the torture by seven or eight minutes. I will admit though, I did throw up in my mouth a little when I pushed the record button.

I have an envelope back filled with disgusting and downright dangerous things I was planing to say about that episode, but I am not going to. It became clear to me that I am going to need to spread them out as future Zombie Simpsons will be similarly as pointless as this on was.

I do have a few specific points I would like to make about this episode however. First, I was clearly too late warning the writers to stop including Homer's present day friends in the past. Lenny and Carl just keep losing my respect. Second, Burns should not be in an episode if they aren't going to use him for a diabolical or life-crushing reason. Third, the only thing I could think of that was meant to be funny was when Bart asked if he could have a "virgin Tom Collins" and Homer makes a comment about how virgin drinks are for girls; the only people who would find that funny are too young to know what a virgin drink is.

There is no episode I wish to recommend to wash that taste out of your mouth. I would hate for any residual disgrace to transfer to a classic episode. Instead I recommend you do what I did, which is smoke two cigarettes and take three shots of Five 'o Clock gin. That'll do it.