Changing Timeslots

The Dead Homer Society is taking the freeway to some other site.  You can find us at www.deadhomersociety.wordpress.com.  

Synergy Has a Glaring Omission

"I was just thinking about Homer Simpson." - Not Shelley Long

"That's okay, I was just thinking about Sybil Danning." - Moe

One has to admire IGN's synergistically hacktacular efforts to glowingly review Zombie Simpsons.  Faced with such a daunting task as trying to put a positive spin on Maggie's bizarre subplot, they elected to simply ignore it altogether.  The word "Maggie" doesn't appear once and there isn't a single reference to her big part in the episode.  Can't say something nice?  Don't say anything at all.  That is top notch synergy.  

Happily for us, they did delve, deeply, into the even more brain rotting main "plot".  Enjoy:

April 6, 2009 - In order to produce the contractually obligated number of episodes, Tthere are always a few episodes (or more) every season dedicated to one of the Simpsons Zombie Simpsons side characters. This week, it was the shattered remnants of Moe. And as is often the case when Moe is at the center of the episode, the focus was romance pointlessly saccharine failure. Moe has never been the classiest of people, and, on network television at least, that usually turns the women away. Or rather, he can usually pull it together act way out of character for a little while, but eventually blow it in the end because the writers will probably want to do this at least three more times. And that's exactly what happened in the bittersweet repetitive and funny boring "Eeny Teeny Maya Moe."

Early in the episode, Moe excitedly tidied up his bar while retelling the story of how he had come to know Maya, an unimaginative female plot device. Fittingly, Moe had been wooing her via the Internet connection at the Springfield Public Library. Loved seeing that Gil was also there. The Internet love connection had a few enjoyable bits tried to make fun of things that were cutting edge five years ago and failed at even that modest task, including Moe asking if Maya was just some creepy guy at a public library, and then Maya asking the same question back. Moe's tragically true response: "Actually, there is a much creepier guy right next to me." (The guy was Crazy Cat Lady, making an appearance to eat some clock and cause Moe a little pain.) There was also an entertaining tedious, exposition filled bit involving the risk of opening Maya's jpeg, and then Moe prepping his own.

When the two finally decided to meet, Moe was surprised to find Maya was a little person, which made no sense but was necessary to provide a pre-commercial cliffhanger.  ("Oh, you're a little person. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. What's the correct term?" "Little person." "Whoa! Look at me being polite.") I really enjoyed despised these initial few moments because they setup a plodding, predictable and utterly unbelievable morality tale. When Moe remarked that the picture of her standing in front of a building made her look "more life-size," Maya revealed it was taken at LEGO Land. I also loved quickly tired of the few bits where Moe would say something that seemed wildly inappropriate, only to find out they were innocent true statements. The best One of these was when they were ready to go to their dinner date and Moe said he'd get the car seat. This was not a dig at Maya's size. Moe actually did need to get the passenger seat to his car, which he had removed for better mileage some reason.

The relationship was going well exactly to formula. As only Moe a comedy writer could put it, "It's like my heart wants to do her." The biggest contrived obstacle for Moe was going to be introducing Maya to his judgmental friends. Their mentality newfound cruelty was displayed when Lenny, Carl and Barney made fun of Homer for not remembering limericks. This gave us my favorite random the most egregious out of character line from the episode, when Lenny explained, "It's A, A, B, B, A, dumb ass!"

As the relationship progressed dragged on, Moe was making more and more slip-ups. One of the funniest dumbest was when Moe initially thought Maya lived in a tree. He then made up This allowed the script to include the excuse that lots of people live in trees: "Tarzan, the Berenstain Bears, flood victims." But things only got worse when Moe reached the point of completed his transparent character arc by proposing to Maya. Maya quipped, "Are you asking me to be your little woman?" and then Moe tore off with a long rant of series of gentle, safe for network TV little people jokes. It became not funny to Maya and the relationship was ended because her purpose in this episode had been served. This seemed understandable enough, but I wish Moe's jokes had been a bit more mean to truly make an effect funny in the least. After all, Maya was making the jokes first, so I felt Moe's jokes should have had a bit more bite this show used to be a comedy.

Still, after a failed time killing attempt to shorten himself through surgery with Dr. Nick, and one last encounter with a hurt Maya, Moe was able to find the positive in his situation through the knowing wisdom of Homer J. Simpson, the svengali of Zombie Simpsons. Trying to make his favorite bartender feel better, Zombie Homer said lectured, "Sometime when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you, and that means someone can love you again. And that'll make you smile." A simple corny and un-Homer sentiment, but it lifted Moe's spirits, so this piece of shit could finally end. Moe added, "Who'da thought such a little woman could make me feel so big?" It was a sweet an appropriately dimwitted way to end this enjoyable episode embarrassingly clichéd tripe.

Quote of the Day

"You have such a beautiful voice." - Bart Simpson

"Guilty, as charged." - Sideshow Bob

Nobody Loves You!

The numbers are in and they're about what we've come to expect from Zombie Simpsons here in latter part of the 08-09 season.  Last night's excruciating romantic comedy/morality tale thing was viewed by 6.40 million unfortunate people.  That's a slight decrease from last week and has pushed the season average below 7.5 million. 

Season 19 averaged 8.26 million viewers per episode; I'm hoping that this season ends up below 7.26 million viewers as that would make for an impressive sounding decrease of one million viewers from season to season.  There are somewhere between four and six episodes left, and if the next four episodes are watched by the same 6.4 million people as this one then the season average would fall to to 7.25 million.  

C'mon Zombie Simpsons, choke on your own mediocrity.  

Quote of the Day

"You don't belong here. You're a fraud and a phony, and it's only a matter of time until they find you out." - Karl
(gasps) "Who told you?" - Homer Simpson

No Just God Would Permit This

What the fucking fuck was that?  I miss the Moe who threatened to gut a ten year old child and sexually harassed his cocktail waitress.  I miss the Maggie who organized the resistance at the Ayn Rand School for Tots and caught a bottle as it sailed towards Homer's head.  Also, and I don't want to watch it again to be sure, but I think the part of Bart Simpson was played by Casper, the ghost of his good friend Richie Rich.

Edited to add that the O/U on the ratings is set at 6.2 million viewers.  Ugh, what an unfathomable nightmare of television.  

Quote of the Day

"Yo, Mr. Black, another Brandy." - Jimbo Jones

"Gentlemen, to evil." - Mr. Black

Saturday Morning Cartoons

"Just sign this form, and the money will be yours." - C.M. Burns

The above is a perfect example of proper plot exposition and minor character usage.  I would submit this in direct contrast to, say, Rev. Lovejoy not being holy for a while, Skinner and Comic Book Guy chasing an ancient riddle and especially magical tomato sauce.  

Homer needs $5,000, Burns gives it to him because Homer doesn't understand the word "usury", and the story moves along.  There are no words wasted and no more time taken than necessary.  The five grand is never mentioned again because it doesn't need to be.  Everyone acted in character; Homer made a poor financial decision and Burns tightened his stranglehold on Homer's tiny life.  It's hilarious, it fits, and it ends quickly.  

I love this show.

Quote of the Day

"Look at all those worried faces. Except for Lenny, he looks great!" - Marge Simpson

"This is the worst day of my life." - Lenny Leonard

Friday Link Dump - Canadian Underwear Edition

"Free and easy Lis, ahh.  There's nothing like an unfurnished basement for pure comfort." - Bart Simpson

Mentioning unmentionables - It's meandering, it's about underwear, and he flubs the quote slightly; still, that's pretty good usage.

The Simpsons Sundays 8PM - Mmmm, that's some top notch synergy from Fox's Toledo, OH affiliate.  

ER Ends Its 15-year Run on TV.  Good Riddance - It's always pleasing when shows that haven't been relevant for a long time finally turn out the lights.  Plus he mentions Zombie Simpsons.  

Humane Society of the United States presents 23rd Genesis Awards - Zombie Simpsons won for what must be that "cow" episode I said I was glad I'd never seen.  Hey, isn't the Humane Society good at putting things long past their prime out of their misery?  Just saying.  

"Wedding For Disaster"/"Not All Dogs Go To Heaven"/"Wife Insurance" - Steve Heisler of A.V. Club has failed.  In complaining that Zombie Simpsons had to spend too much time on backstory he writes:

But because the show has to spend a bunch of time explaining why they are allowed to do what they are about to do—presumably to appease message board fans—they've wasted time they could be spending on the episode proper.

Bzzzt.  I'm sorry, that's incorrect.  A.V. Club may reward knowledge, but here at Dead Homer Society we punish ignorance and that is a profoundly ignorant statement.  It has been amply demonstrated that Zombie Simpsons doesn't give two shits about "message board fans", they never have and never will.  (Whether or not they should is a separate question.)  And they certainly weren't eating up all that clock to make internet fanboys happy (killing time is precisely what makes us unhappy).  They eat clock because each episode only contains about three decent jokes and that just doesn't cut it for a 22-minute show.  

Comic book writer Mark Millar is giving up 'The Simpsons' for Lent! - He's doing it for a charity instead of some phony baloney deity, but it still strikes me as stupid.  Though he seems an agreeable enough fellow:

He said: I always try to give up beer for Lent and fail two weeks in.

So the family and I are all doing something a little different this year and will give up The Simpsons, which is our favourite television programme.

Im pleased about this because it means I can still go to the pub.

To be fair, two (or three) whole weeks with only wine is enough to make anyone go crazy.  

April Fools': Best of the Net - Homer Simpson's voice was used on the PA system of Parisian train stations.  It's not Castellaneta's voice, presumably it's whoever does the French dubbed dialogue.  I find the YouTube video oddly interesting, though of course it doesn't hurt that it's only twenty-eight seconds long:

The good oil: BMW 7 series to stop 'Homer Simpson syndrome' - I don't see what talking on a cellphone while driving really has to do with Homer, but I'm not from New Zealand.

MICA survey to assist city leader decisions - Remember when I said the statistics quote is the one I see screwed up more often than any other?  Here it is again.  Forfty!

LBS Startups to Keep on Your Map - This is about cellphones, but the Marge reference is excellent usage.

Fashion Police - I don't generally approve of fashion columns or Ohio State, but this I can get on board with:

Ah the Simpsons. An all-time classic television show that's been on for about as long as I've been alive and that's actually been funny for about half of it.

Indeed.  

Quote of the Day

"You know Marge, that Bart of ours is a little miracle. His winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief. He reminds me of me, before the weight of the world crushed my spirit." - Homer Simpson

Put Down The Glass Dick

"Let's just say that fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug was the drugs." - Homer Simpson

I have been perusing some of my favorite Simpsons forums in the last few days and for the most part the responses to last Sunday's Zombie Simpsons have been par for the season. Most people can't express enough love for the new episodes, a few are satisfied but have some complaints, and even fewer seem to hate them enough to qualify for membership in DHS. What I have been seeing that bothers me is an increase in comments that express a desire to see even more of the crap that has ruined this show over the years. Seriously people, has the crack epidemic picked up again? Is FOX spiking the world's water supply? What drugs are you people doing that forces you to post this garbage on the internet for everyone to see? For example, the user 'Simpsonfloyd' on nohomers.net states

The parson could even become for Lovejoy waht (sic) Chalmers is for Skinner That would be interesting

First of all it wouldn't. Unless you mean interesting like having your face mauled by a bear. Then it would. That singing bastard almost cost me sex with my wife for a month. Second of all, that is the kind of thing that ruined the fucking show! We don't need any more characters! Throw away characters are fine, but they almost always end up becoming regulars. Why is Disco Stu not only in most episodes but in the fucking opening?!? The same goes for the octuplets and for that matter Gil. Also, and I am sure I am not the first bird to sing this song, Gil is an absolutely appalling replacement for the many characters of the late Phil Hartman. In fact every time I see Gil in an episode I get the feeling Mr. Hartman is crying in rich man heaven. But I digress.

Well, that user's comment covers the addition of new characters, but as long as were are talkin' crazy, let me add to the list of things I assume people like Simpsonfloyd would love to see:

1. Homer Crying more often. 20 seconds an episode just ain't going to do it. In fact let's see if Homer can cry for the duration of an entire episode sometime.

2. More story shows. There is nothing like a good episode where the family ends up in a library or something and retells famous stories with them in place of the orignal characters. Man that's good TV.

3. Less Scenes in the power plant. Back in the first 10 seasons of the show Homer spent an inordinate amount of time at work. While it was sometimes funny, it wasn't that funny and it encourages countries like France to rely on nuclear power. Homer may get fired almost every episode nowadays, but can't we just pretend he never worked there at all? The planet and the Country's funny bones will thank you.

4. More B-list celebrities. We've been doing a good job avoiding the A-listers this season with the likes of Mark Cuban, Emily Blunt and Will Shortz, but let's really go for it folks! I say we get some guests like Craig Ferguson, Kathy Griffen, or the guy that played Bud on the series "Married With Children." I bet he'd do it for free!

I can't do this anymore, my soul hurts. Anyway, I would like to request that you Zombie fans lay off the pipe for a few weeks and see if you still want to see such nonsense every Sunday night. I think you'll be surprised.

Simpsons stamps to make life worthwhile

"The airplane's upside down." - Homer Simpson

Downtrodden philatelists rejoice - the United States Postal Service has heard your desperate, needy pleas and in an act of noblesse oblige, will finally loose a series of Simpsons-themed stamps for public comsumption. In conjunction with the Fox marketing machine, these stamps are obviously intended to be another salvo in what is sure to be a clusterfuck of a Simpsons 20th anniversary media onslaught later this year.

The 44-cent first class stamps will be previewed on April 9th; no word yet as to when they'll be released into nerds' greedy, greasy mitts. If we're lucky, maybe we'll even get an episode where the stamps are featured in some dreadful cross-promotional plot. Hey, we can dream, can't we?

Via Reuters.

Quote of the Day

"Marge, I'd like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment." - Homer Simpson

"Are you going to eat it?" - Marge Simpson

(pause) "Yes." - Homer Simpson

Matt Groening's a little confused

“Matt Groening? What’s he doing in a museum? He can barely draw.” - Homer Simpson

We just caught wind that Matt Groening was interviewed last week by the folks over at the A.V. Club. In the interview, Mr. Groening revealed his insights into the past and future of animation and humor, while pontificating about the meaning of heaven and earth. Well, he didn’t really discuss the last bit so much, but he did offer some choice words for critics of Zombie Simpsons, with which we naturally take issue. To wit:

“The criticism of the show, that it’s not as good as the show you remember when you were 9 years old, is probably true, but then no show is as good as the one you thought was probably the greatest when you were 9 years old. It’s the nature of comparing something to the thing you loved the most at the time. If the show had been cancelled after five seasons, it would be forgotten.”

Challenge. I was one of those 9-year-olds that grew up with the show. While I watched The Simpsons back then and was entertained by it on a baser level, it wasn’t until later in high school when I appreciated the show for what it was: a dense, multi-faceted comedy that rewarded thoughtful viewers with sharp, intelligent humor. At age 9, I thoroughly enjoyed the show’s slapstick tendencies and occasional puerile jokes (Buttzilla, anyone?) since the cultural references usually flew over my head. As I grew up, I fell in love with the show as subtle allusions to classic literature, film, and pop culture revealed themselves, while the edgy social satire suddenly made sense. This had the effect of making The Simpsons even richer; it was the show that kept on giving. Imagined nostalgia and hollow sentiment have nothing to do with why I love the first eight or so seasons. And I speak for all of us here at the Dead Homer Society when I say they will be treasured, not forgotten.

The bearded one continues:

“If The Simpsons came on now, having never been seen before, with those original episodes, I don’t think anyone would give them a second look, because they’re so crude and primitive in their execution. But like I said, styles change, and all I ask of critics—of online critics of the show that say ‘Oh, it hasn’t been good since season X’—is that, in the opinion of people who work on the show, that’s simply not true. I’m not saying that every episode is better than the previous, but I’m saying that to completely out-of-hand condemn a decade of the show is a very easy position to take, and the fact is, the show has done absolutely brilliant stuff consistently throughout its history. Like I said, I’m not defending every single joke in every single episode, but if we didn’t like what we were doing, we wouldn’t keep doing it.”

Admittedly, the original episodes were “crude and primitive in their execution” - no argument there. Then again, I would expect an episode produced in 2009 to look better than one produced in 1989. Aesthetics aside, the episodes in the first couple seasons were still well-written and the characters endearing, effortlessly setting the stage for the brilliance that characterized later seasons. The impact those seasons had on viewers is indelible and their critical reception is well-deserved. It’s a tough act to consistently prolong year after year.

While I can sense Mr. Groening’s brooding frustration at those who damn a body of work because of a few bad instances, I don’t think the show’s most sober critics are doing that. We're not that simple-minded. It is disingenuous, however, to say that the show has “absolutely done brilliant stuff consistently throughout its history.” No way. It is a complete lack of consistency that is the hallmark of Zombie Simpsons. Plots have become lazier, gags cruder. Venerable characters have been redefined after years of careful development (notably, Homer’s perplexing transformation from oafish, loving father to obnoxious, injury-prone jackass), a perfect foil for the insufferable and foolish cavalcade of celebrity guest stars. The show that has, for all intents and purposes, defined modern comedy has slipped into the conventions that it used to boldly and routinely reject.

Accepting Zombie Simpsons for what it is, let’s go ahead take Mr. Groening’s assertion at face value, that is, the folks who work on the show continue to enjoy what they do and that’s why they keep doing it. Well, duh. Talk about an an easy ad hominem argument, which in the face of declining viewership and social relevance makes even less sense. It still prints money for those involved, but really, how fat do your coffers need to be?

Listen, none of us would be complaining if the show had soldiered on with contemporary ideas and quality intact. But, as Mr. Groening implies, it’s not reasonable to expect that. We agree. Twenty years is an eternity in television. We've been insistent that Zombie Simpsons as is bears little resemblance to the show that preceded it. So either fix it (improbable, now that we're fumbling through the twentieth season), call it something else (pointless - a spade's a spade), or just let it die. We've been happily endorsing the latter option and not just out of empty, callous spite. There’s simply no shame in admitting when enough’s enough.

Oh, and Matt - you have an open and standing invitation to speak with us whenever you’d like.

Quote of the Day

"Now who's laughing?  Now who's laughing?" – The Simpsons

Grammatically Incoherent Synergy

"I didn't want a hokey second wedding like those ones on TV.  This one is for real." - Homer Simpson

I highly recommend clicking over to IGN for this week's edition of Network Synergy and You.  Not so much for the "review" itself, as it has been significantly improved below, but for the instantly recognizable image of Marge, which has been labeled with a caption that reads (and I am not making this up): "This is the character Marge Simpson from the animated television series The Simpsons."  Well, holy shit, I would not have been able to figure that one out for myself.  

Enjoy:

March 30, 2009 - "Wedding for Disaster" was one of those episodes that, while not knocking you down with laughter clever or entertaining, was quite fun easy to watch mock. It had a number of common Simpsons stories (religion, romance, movie parodies references, the rotting comedy carcass of Sideshow Bob) all stuck together into one bloated episode. I think that's why I enjoyed wasn't the least bit surprised by it. Once you thought you were settling into one story, the episode ran out of ideas, took a turn and started to take you in another direction. It was an episode that had me smiling shaking my head for 30 full minutes, if not always laughing out loud.

Things began with the show having trying to have a little fun with religion, as it has once had a reputation to do. Reverend Lovejoy explained that there were really only two commandments and that the rest are just filler, which would be funny if George Carlin hadn't done exactly that eight years ago. Makes sense to me. The good reverend also announced that the Parson an inoffensive, made up religious figure would be visiting Springfield. Apparently, the Parson is a bit like the Pope in the "Presbyluthern" religion, which the writers probably took eight hours creating after rejecting Baptomethodism. I loved how Real Simpsons was always non-specific this episode was about what religion is actually practiced at Lovejoy's church, because it's funnier that way. Lenny's excitement over "the earthly embodiment of the elected chair of the national congress of deacons" was my favorite line from this portion of the episode did not in any way sound forced coming from a guy who is supposed to be a blue collar drone.

The Parson's visit was to let Lovejoy know that, for a time, he was uncertified to perform church related acts for some reason. This meant that anything he officiated during that time period simply didn't count because . . . duh. There was a montage of scenes with Lovejoy breaking this news to people, and the best most time consuming was Cletus thinking the mailman was a ghost who has been haunting his shack. I also felt Homer greeting Lovejoy as the pizza deliveryman was ridiculously sublime a typically pointless Homer monologue. 

Another highlight of this episode was how the series handle to main plot(?).  [Editor's Note: Unpossible!] Lovejoy had officiated Homer and Marge's second marriage in season eight's "A Milhouse Divided." Marge recalled this event in another clock eating gimmick as she looked through her scrapbook because most of the remaining viewers of this show were in diapers at the time. I'm so happy this happened, because All too often the series Zombie Simpsons will go on with a plot that could and should, in some way, reference was more or less lifted directly from something that has occurred earlier in the series' run. All too often, The writers have either forgotten about these events, or they simply didn't bother to fit in an explanation or acknowledgment of any kind in. "Wedding for Disaster" made great use of the previous episode and, like a fourth-rate sequel, smartly used it to move tether this episode's gimmick of a story forward to characters the audience once cared about.

With their previous second marriage null and void, Homer wanted to give Marge the big, romantic wedding she never had got back in Season 8. As Homer put it, we wanted this wedding to be, like the one we had twelve years ago "unlike our children, planned in advance." This portion of the episode was the least enjoyable indistinguishably bad from the others. Marge became a bridezilla during the planning process, for some reason. This didn't work for me. Marge has been known to get frazzled now and again, but and the meanness didn't suit her here, but this is Zombie Simpsons we're talking about so nothing should come as a surprise. When Homer didn't come out for the ceremony, Marge thought it was because of how she acted, because "bridezillas" are notorious for instantly blaming themselves. Instead, the episode took another turn and gave us a mini Saw parody re-enactment. The hot sauce lollipop was great made me want wings. And then the episode this piece of shit threw us for another loop when Sideshow Bob arrived as a suspect in Homer's kidnapping showed up to help kill some more time. The Bob scene was fun a waste, but again, nothing that exactly bowled me over. what isn't on this show these days?

Ultimately, it was revealed decided that Patty and Selma were behind ruining the wedding, because the writers once again painted themselves into a corner. This fit and was also fun. And it was also sweet contrived, out of character bullshit to have Homer's recitation of his vows be the turning point for his sisters-in-law. Again, this wasn't a howlingly funny awful episode, but there were some great individual parts that were even worse, and overall "Wedding for Disaster" was a pleasant enough telling of Marge and Homer's third and fourth weddings reminder of why genuinely creative television shows don't need to recycle plots.

Quote of the Day

"Lousy Smarch weather." – Homer Simpson

Still Shitty

The numbers are in and while they're a mild improvement from last week they're still well below both the season average and where they were last year.  Last night's Sideshow Bob cameo popped for 6.58 million viewers, so the over has it.  

I would also like to point out that "Wedding for Disaster" is a pretty good example of pop culture references instead of pop culture jokes.  I'm not opposed to sending up the concept of psychotic brides to be, because it's a ridiculous concept and could use some satirizing.  Nor am I opposed to sending up the bridezillas themselves, because crazy people applying their narcissistic crazy to their wedding and everyone around them also deserve to have some fun poked at them.  But that's not what "Wedding for Disaster" did.  Instead it just has Marge acting nuts (and way way way out of character) in the context of a wedding.  They aren't satirizing anything, they're just having their characters act out an overly planned wedding.  

The same goes for the "Saw" thing.  Did it add anything to the episode?  Of course not, they just wanted to reference a string of popular movies.  It's not like the "Saw" franchise isn't crying out to be made fun of, they've made five movies in five years.  But Zombie Simpsons didn't make fun of them, they just used the "Saw" plot and visuals to inch their moronic plot along.  

Quote of the Day

"I didn't think you'd understand." – Lisa Simpson

"Hey, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." – Homer Simpson

Bubbling with Anticipation

I just clicked on the epguides.com link to tonight's Zombie Simpsons.  Here is what it says:

After Marge and Homer's marriage turns out to be invalid, they decide to re-do their vows. But when Homer goes missing, Bart and Lisa smell something funny and investigate his disappearance.

Oh good, it's a recycled plot and and adventure mystery.  Color me tickled pink.  Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to pre-emptively watch "A Milhouse Divided" and "Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy" to steel my brain against tonight's onslaught of stupid.  

(That's Season 8 Disc 1 and Season 6 Disc 2, respectively, by the way.)

Edit: While I'm at it, let's set the O/U for tonight's ratings at a flat 6.00 million viewers.  I'll be optimistic and take the Under.

Quote of the Day

"Go on Homer, our commandments clearly state that beer is alright.  Try some." – Rev. Lovejoy

Quote of the Day

"Two!" – Homer Simpson

"Mmnn, actually Homer that's just one.  See, each pushup includes both an up part and a down part." - Lenny

Friday Link Dump - Obscure Guest Voice Edition

"That guy cheapens our whole profession." - Bruce Baum

T.O. funnyman Bruce Baum soars into cyberspace - Remember the guy pictured above?  He's got a comedy website, TheOuterNet.com (careful, video plays when you click), that The Ventura County Star wrote an article about and, in typical newspaper fashion, neglected to link.  Whatever, barbecue armpit deodorant sounds good to me.  

Channeling Homer Simpson on the Deficit Numbers - MIT economist Jonathan Gruber gets a gold star for excellent usage.  

Are The Best Days Of 'The Simpsons' Over? - The basic premise here is right on, though it's written for a website called Starpulse so there's a distinct whiff of Valley Girl crazy about the whole thing.  (From Starpulse's about page: "Starpulse.com offers celebrity enthusiasts like you . . ", uh, count me out, thanks.)  There is one little thing that deserves special attention though, the misspelling of 'Jebus'.  I see this all over the place, 'Jeebus' instead of 'Jebus'.  For fuck's sake people, it's pronounced exactly like the original but with a "b" in place of an "s".  There is no need for an extra "e".  Wow, that got off topic fast.

Great minds think differently - It's a list of thinkers, and I used the term loosely, who might have opinions about the current recession, including Homer Simpson, Sun Tzu, Epicurus, and Tony Soprano.  This guy is padding his list just a bit, methinks.

Triceratops Was A Social Animal, Group of Dinosaur Fossils Suggests - A site in Montana has fossils from a bunch of different Triceratops skeletons.  It's called the Homer Site because the guy who found it, Helmuth Redschlag, is a Simpsons fan.  Well done.  

Lottery win like a joke, trucker says - This guy won almost two million dollars from a lottery machine that said "Woo hoo!" when he scanned his ticket.  

Transit Spotting - Mr. Matt Smith isn't very happy with a new San Francisco transit project.  I couldn't tell you anything about the merits of the project, but the man's got his Simpsons straight and that's good enough for us.  

The 20 Hottest Movie Mums (via)- Internet lists are always pointless and stupid, but Marge is #1.    

Despite the sunshine, it rained on my parade - Damn right.  Even the Irish thought that episode was a piece of shit.

Barack Obama's Top 5 Bart Simpson Moments - Just one of the hundreds of radical right wing messages inserted into every post by co-creator Charlie Sweatpants.  

Quote of the Day

"In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk.  If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign.  Thy will be done." – Homer Simpson

Getting Out of Hand

"I'm in television now.  It's my job to be repetitive.  My job.  My job.  Repetitiveness is my job." - Bart Simpson

Simpsons Channel has a post up with the promo image for April 19th's Zombie Simpsons, titled "The Good, the Sad and the Drugly".  Here's the plot description:

To win the heart of Jenny (guest voice Anne Hathaway) a sweet 5th grade girl, Bart becomes a good samaritan and gives up his prank-pulling days

Given the presence of the perfectly cromulent word "drugly" in the title I'm gonna guess that this girl might have a lesson or two to teach Bart about growing up.  It's always creepy and rage inducing when Zombie Simpsons goes on one of its weird "we're moralizing/but no we're really mocking moralizing/um yeah, we're actually moralizing" skids.  That was about half the run-time of this season's feculent "Mypods and Boomsticks" episode and it always sucks.  

Well, at least we found out who Anne Hathaway is voicing on the Simpsons.  Apparently it's going to be Bart's love interest, not Krusty's.  The earlier leaked plot was to have her testify in court when . . . ugh . . . Krusty was falsely accused of a crime.  Now it seems she's voicing a goody-two-shoes that . . . ugh . . . Bart straightens up and flies right in order to impress.  I wouldn't rule out the Krusty-accused plot also being included; there's no real limit to the amount of stupidity Zombie Simpsons can jam into a single meandering story.  Of course, if that little gem of a Krusty plot isn't in there on April 19th, we could always see it later.  

On the plus side, the endless repetition of earlier plots may finally be having an effect.  There are some grumbly comments on that Simpsons Channel post from people who otherwise still think it's good.  

Quote of the Day

"You're like the guy, you're a legend around here.  Can I ask you, is it true you once worked ninety-six hours straight?" – James Woods

"Oh yes, it was horrible I tell you.  By the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind." – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

A Lesson in Internet Reading Comprehension

"After breakfast me and Milhouse are going down to the ravine.  We got a tip from a six year old that there's a dead martian down there." - Bart Simpson

I saw goofy little stories like this one and this one and this one on-line last week.  They amount to nothing that could be called news and I didn't even include them in the Friday Link Dump.  Then I check in on Simpsons Channel this morning and what do I see?  

Barack Obama on The Simpsons?

Sigh.  All of the above links can be traced to this post on the website of the British tabloid The Sun.  Here is the full quote from James L. Brooks:

"We’d love to have Barack on the show. No president has agreed to do it yet but we’ll keep asking.  We’re putting all the right signals out."  

That's it.  Brooks, speaking to a British newspaper, said they'd like to have Obama on the show.  Nothing more to it than that.  Of course The Sun, being a tabloid, has the headline read:

US President Barack Obama and British comic Russell Brand are being lined up for an appearance in The Simpsons

I'd say that's overstating the case a bit, but it was enough and the internet took it from there.  

Would Obama want to do a guest voice on Zomibe Simpsons?  I have no idea, that's up to him and the people around him.  For his sake I hope they're either not thinking about it or decide not to do it.  There's no sense tarnishing his image by associating him with a dying television show.  

But one thing's for sure, having Brooks mention that they'd like to do it is a far, far cry from what these stories and headlines imply.  

Quote of the Day

"Mr. Simpson, my husband and I have decided to move." – Mrs. Winfield

"Gonna run out the clock in Florida, eh?" – Homer Simpson

I Can't Imagine Why Fox Didn't Like This

I have no insight into why this little musical number from Family Guy wasn't broadcast.  (It looks like it was to have been part of the fall '07 episode "Lois Kills Stewie".)  The Entertainment Weekly post where I found it thinks it was the network censors, but other than the original YouTube uploader calling it "banned" I don't see any evidence of that, it may just have not made the final cut.  Of course, saying something was "banned" or implying that it's somehow too "think of the children" for broadcast television certainly makes it more appealing than saying it just didn't fit in the episode. 

That said, I doubt that the joke at about 2:15 pleased any network higher ups:

I could quibble with the particulars, but really I just like seeing other people say that Simpsons isn't funny any longer.  

Unsurprisingly, the always tedious "Simpsons Sucks/no it doesn't Family Guy sucks" back and forth breaks out in the comments section of both the Entertainment Weekly post and the originating YouTube link.  

Quote of the Day

"Bart, if she breaks up on you steer away from the grandstands or else you might kill hundreds of innocent spectators. . . . Bart, what did I just tell you?" – Martin Prince

"Kill spectators." – Bart Simpson

Oh Yeah, It Was Bad

That was a fairly typical "Zombie Simpsons goes to X" type episode.  A few amusing one liners and cultural jokes are all but lost inside a thin husk of a story that doesn't make any sense and takes too long to tell.  The ratings are in and once again the numbers are bad, with a mere 6.15 million viewers tuning in.  That's up slightly from last week, though it's still well below average for this season and a million or so people down from the same period last year.  

Quote of the Day

"Calls?  Oh, calls.  Yes, uh, the Supreme Court called again, they need your help on some freedom thing." – Della

"Tell them to sit tight, I'll get back to them." – Lionel Hutz

Quote of the Day

"Hmm.  You're not as stupid as you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates." – C.M. Burns

Saturday Morning Cartoons

"I'll tell ya the truth, Dad.  I wasn't good at it right away so I quit.  I hope you're not mad." - Bart Simpson

"Son, come here, heh heh heh.  Of course I'm not mad.  If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing.  You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your short wave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle, and we'll go inside and watch TV." - Homer Simpson

"What's on?" - Bart Simpson

"It doesn't matter." - Homer Simpson

I love the above exchange, it's Homer and Bart at their best.  Homer is a low-give-a-shit father; Bart is a low-give-a-shit son; and together they couldn't care less.  Even better, this moment is played for sweetness, like it's a life affirming moment for Homer to encourage his son to quit music and watch television.  None of this Team Mischief crap.  As a bonus, there are three potential episode plots contained in that one quote.  One of them happened, but the other two are just discarded because, in the before time, in the long long ago, The Simpsons overflowed with ideas.  

Quote of the Day

"You know Lisa, I feel like I have an instant rapport with you." – Grandma Simpson

"Ahh, you didn't dumb it down, you said 'rapport'." – Lisa Simpson

Friday Link Dump - Barney and Ecstasy Edition

"I can see why this is so popular." - Homer Simpson

Meet Zaky, the purple bear with a message of tolerance - Zaky is a Barney clone, only he's a bear instead of a dinosaur and his original target audience was Australian Muslims.  Now he's going global:

Zaky's creator, Sydney film producer Subhi Alshaik, describes the mild-mannered cartoon character as "the opposite of Bart Simpson" who teaches "good, ethical, moral messages".

I would not have guessed that the opposite of Bart Simpson was a purple bear, but what do I know?

Lunch Break: Jon Stewart's 1994 Interview With Conan O'Brien - This is O'Brien, about a year after he left The Simpsons, on Jon Stewart's short lived MTV talk show.  It's mildly amusing.  Oh, and Brother Bently from CollegeOTR, George Bush Sr. was not president in 1994.  Kids these days.

Kids in Texas Are Getting "High" on Bart Simpson & Ninja Turtles - We're back on the Bart Simpson Ecstasy pills.  I know this is from a local television station so if I'm expecting anything above a fourth grade level discussion I'm going to be disappointed, but c'mon.  They've got the word "high" in scare quotes like it's a new fangled drug term to which "squares" are not yet "hip".  

Candy-Shaped Drug Worries Local Cops - In Washington state they aren't even waiting for the pills to arrive before moving straight into the moral panic:

Mansfield says they haven’t yet seen the pills shaped like cartoons

Now this is the perfect story for AM radio.  The station gets a story by doing nothing more than talking to a cop, and the cop gets to be on the radio for doing nothing more than being a cop.  It's a perfect, news free circle jerk.  

Daily Jolt: Baseball Without Borders - Very poor usage, Andrew Johnson of FanHouse, very poor.  "Radical" is not what comes out of Bart Simpson's mouth, it's Milhouse's thing, that's his thing that he says.  

VH1 resuscitates "Behind the Music" - Behind the Music is coming back.  That's how long Zombie Simpsons has been on the air, a show that was enough of a cliche to parody nine years ago has had time to get cancelled and be brought back.  

Homer Simpson goes to Middle East? - Oh yeah, this sounds like a great idea for an episode.  

F1 change won't alter supermodel quotient - F1 cars are getting bubble domes?

Presumably the brains behind the world's top motor sport felt they hadn't already thrown enough curveballs at drivers, who this year will pilot cars so dramatically reshaped from last season that they look more than a little like the one Homer Simpson famously designed for his brother. That car sent Danny DeVito broke; formula one isn't quite there yet but the signs aren't trending in a positive fashion.

Hmmm, probably not.  It would be cool though.  

Plans underway for MacGyver movie - "No Selma, this is lying.  That was a well plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch."  Also, MacGyver did a guest voice in 2006?  Whew, dodged a bullet there.

Scratchy has not yet been sighted - Morgan State played in the NCAA tournament last night and they've got a point guard named Itchy.  He got the nickname from his brother . . . who was killed "in an argument" a few years ago.  Jebus, Baltimore is a fucked up place.  Still, awesome name.  

Susy Schultz - New WTF column is about helping you - In this lady's alternate reality, WTF stands for "What's the Fix?".  The callous stupidity on display here is pretty astonishing:

A few people -- and when I say a few, I mean only two -- called or wrote to tell me that there is another meaning to the first three letters of the name of our new column, WTF: What's the Fix?

My sons might answer that by quoting Homer Simpson, "Du-oh."

I simply would say, "Yes, I know."

But we want nothing to do with THAT word. We are very clear that we mean, What's the Fix?

We are taking back those three simple letters. And we are reinventing them into a column that will help readers. I don't think that those initials are that far gone yet.

Where to begin?  Well, first of all, yes those three letters are gone and no you can't change their meaning even, as she writes at the very end, "in The Daily Journal's readership area."  (That appears to be just south of Chicago.)  "What the fuck" is a useful, multi-purpose phrase that works just fine; you cannot "fix" what is not currently "fucked".  And, "Du-oh"?  Does this woman have some kind of neurological impairment, like Rain Man or Awakenings?  I mean, what the hell is she doing here?  

Quote of the Day

"Tis a fine barn, but sure tis no pool, English." – Amish Guy

"D'oheth!" – Homer Simpson

Sunday Preview: "In the Name of the Grandfather"

"I will not celebrate meaningless milestones." - Chalkboard gag

American viewers are in for a real treat this Sunday night. As my colleague Mad Jon noted, "In the Name of the Grandfather" has already aired for our friends overseas, so we get to look forward to sloppy-Zombie Simpsons seconds for the first time ever. If you feel dirty, you should.

Thanks to the magic of the Internet though, some of us more resourceful types have already watched it. I won't spoil the finer surprises and disappointments, but needless to say, Mr. Potato Head has a speaking role as a judge. I kid you not. If you can't wait to revel in this cringe-inducing, Irish stereotype-laden pastiche of a shitshow, satisfaction is only a Google search and a download away. Not that we here at the Dead Homer Society support nor condone such reprehensible and appalling behavior.

Quote of the Day

"I'm Kent Brockman, on the 11 o'clock news tonight, a certain kind of soft drink has been found to be lethal.  We won't tell you which one until after sports and the weather with Funny Sonny Storm." – Kent Brockman

Wednesday Evening Cartoons

"I'm alive!  I'm alive and I couldn't be happier!  From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest!" - Homer Simpson

The Simpsons often liked to mess around with their end credits, either playing a different song or having some remaining dialogue continue while they roll.  One of the most underrated examples of this is the end of "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" (Season 2, Disc 2).  After shouting the above, the credits roll while Homer sits on the couch, eating pork rinds (light!) and watching professional bowling.  It's great all by itself, but the bowling announcers in the background make a good thing even better.  Their subdued and petty arguments are dead on perfect for ABC's Wild World of Sports or 3:00am on Friday night ESPN in the early 90s.  Cracks me up every time.

Quote of the Day

"Now, you've got little hands; can you reach under that mower and pull out that skate? . . . Pfft, nevermind." – Homer Simpson

Finally, A New Idea

""What - are - you - looking at?" - The innocent words of a drunken child. Well, I'll tell you what we're looking at young man, a town gone mad. A town whose very conscious was washed away in a tide of beer and green vomit." - Kent Brockman

So today is St Patrick's Day. Whoopee!!! If you are anything like me you are finishing up your Irish seven course and wondering about the special St. Patrick's Day Zombie Simpsons episode that aired tonight on the other side of the pond, and will air in the States on Sunday. This isn't the first St Pat's episode of the Simpsons, or even the second one for that matter, but I am pretty sure it is only the third time they've done it. And it's definitely the first time it's been broadcast overseas first. So there. Anyway, it's pretty meaningless to me as a shitty cartoon is a shitty cartoon in any timezone.

What does surprise me, however, is that Homer will apparently drink Guinness. In all fairness, I haven't seen the episode yet, so I garnered this info from a website called 4rfv.co.uk. I couldn't tell you whether or not this is a reliable news source, I also couldn't care less. If it is true, it means that a cartoon is pitching an actual beer brand in prime time. And while I am 100% behind both cartoons and beer, I can't, in good conscience, support the advertisement (we pronounce it ad-ver-TISE-ment over here you mick/limey fucks) of a purchasable brand of beer in a TV show that, over the last ten years, has shown an intelligence level only suitable for the entertainment of pre-teens and retards.

So, assuming my source is right, shame on you FOX. You shouldn't help beer companies sell their dangerously delicious product to the underage and handicapped. And shame on you Guinness. How dare you link your wonderful beer with such a terrible television show. You might as well have done this with "Desperate Housewives" or "Survivor" because at least then someone who can buy your product would be watching. Not me though, I hate those fucking shows.

Synergy: May I Get Out from Under Your Desk Now?

"A solar eclipse, the cosmic ballet goes on." - Leonard Nimoy

Editing this review so that it no longer reeks of Fox Executive ball sweat and dick smell was far more fun than the episode itself.  I even remembered things I'd blocked out, like the solar powered train that stopped in an eclipse.  Where the hell have I seen that before?  Ah well, I'm sure it'll come to me.  Enjoy:

March 16, 2009 - The story can often make all the difference in an episode of The Simpsons. Watching Principal Skinner lead the riffraff students out of the inner city two episodes ago was fun and funny to watch painfully stupid partly because the story made no damn sense. Having Ned buy the Simpson home to become their landlord was a bit less inspired last week equally retarded, and I enjoyed that episode less hope I forget both of them soon. So it's no surprise that I thoroughly enjoyed despised "Gone, Maggie, Gone," with its bent dimwitted take on a Da Vinci Code-like mystery. It was funny boring, clever simple minded and a downright enjoyable soul crushing viewing experience.

The solar eclipse that began the episode may at first have seemed like the often unrelated opening bit that would move us onto the actual story, but here it played a major role there was no actual story. It was the key event that would set off a hunt for the Gem of St. Theresa series of random sight gags. But first, there was some fun to be had screen time to kill. One of the most least entertaining parts of this episode for me was seeing Ed Begley driving his solar powered car, which lost power on the train tracks. And then the bit really paid off kept going longer than it should with the train also losing power because it was an "Ed Begley Solar Powered Train." If that wasn't funny hackneyed enough, I laughed out loud shrugged with indifference when I saw Ed Begley was a guest voice in this episode without saying a word. He simply gasped and sighed in his short but and ineffective sequence. (Editor's Note: Begley is a third rate celebrity at best, it isn't like doing a miniscule guest voice on a show as mediocre as Zombie Simpsons is some big step down the fame ladder for him.)

Marge's blindness from looking at the eclipse set up a few great bits made no sense and wasn't funny but was played for dumb laughs anyway, including Dr. Hibbert showing the clip explaining Tex Avery Syndrome. There were also the numerous and unnecessary attempts to trick Marge into thinking Maggie and Lisa were still around. Homer's Maggie hand puppet was great awful even by the standards of Zombie Simpsons. Of course, losing Maggie was the contrived reason for all of this, and this happened during Homer's hilarious send-up time killing duplication of the classic fox/duck/corn across a river riddle. Better yet Eating even more time was the puzzle puzzling itself out with Cletus and a very full fox. When Homer left Maggie at a convent's steps, the really shitty parts puzzle of the episode began.

Lisa infiltrated the nuns to try and get Maggie back, but uncovered a far greater mystery way to fill the contractually obligated amount of air time. I really enjoy cannot fucking stand the adventure thinly thought through stories likes this that The Zombie Simpsons have given us in the past. My favorite One of the worst is "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish' Simpson Safari" but "Gone, Maggie, Gone" has shot up the list. The riddles plot contrivances were fun awful and the story was entertaining and funny equally terrible. The never-ending Rube Goldberg contraption opening up a secret panel in the church was a great lazy start. It was also a smart necessary choice to get more of the townsfolk involved in the mystery rather than simply following Lisa from clue to clue, because that will only take up so much time. Principal Skinner and Comic Book Guy were an unlikely pair there, and that added to the comedy. It was also perfect weak story telling to have Mr. Burns show up as a third faction searching for the gem to help move along the un-resolvable mess the writers got themselves into. The ending was sweet batshit fucking crazy, with Maggie removing Marge's bandages, and I even enjoyed the hellish results of Bart taking Maggie's place on the throne made even less sense.

As entertaining horrifyingly brain melting as the "story" was, it would not have made a difference if it weren't just as equally horrifyingly unfunny. Marge had a great line after her family kept her blind period fully stress-free: "Everyday Every day has been like the first ten minutes of Mother's Day." I laughed scratched my head and looked at the clock throughout the retelling of the legend of St. Theresa, which included pirate nuns and a fake war for independence. Mr. Burns referring to Smithers as his albino was another hilarious bit rote plot point plugged in from The Da Vinci Code. ("I'm not an albino. I just use a lot of sun block." "Then why do I give all the albino holidays off, hmm?") Overall, it was the combination of a fully engaging idiotic story and great a complete lack of laughs that made "Gone, Maggie, Gone" another winner disaster for The Zombie Simpsons in their post-hi-def series run.

Quote of the Day

"Who chased the Irish out of Springfield village in aught four?  Me, that's who!" – Abe "Grandpa" Simpson

"And a fine job you did, too." – Irish Guy

Angry Yawns

That bizarro thing that was on last night distracted me enough that I forget to make an over/under prediction for this week's ratings.  Oh well, the under would've won because the numbers are in and once again they aren't pretty.  Just like last week, yesterday's Zombie Simpsons failed to make the totally arbitrary six million people number, coming in at 5.97 million people.   

To give you an idea of just how bad things are, through thirteen episodes of Season 19 (the lowest rated season ever), Zombie Simpsons was averaging a little over 9 million viewers.  Through thirteen episodes this year Zombie Simpsons is averaging 7.72 million viewers, a decrease of 15%.  What's more, the ratings tend to be lower in the spring than in the fall so that number is likely to go lower still.  March, April and May of last year dragged the overall average down from 9.07 to just 8.26 million viewers.  

In a related note, Family Guy Afterbirth (aka American Dad) pulled in 5.83 million viewers and actually had a better rating among 18-34 year olds than Zombie Simpsons did.  Sweet.  

Quote of the Day

"I can't believe it, you've actually found a practical use for geometry." – Bart Simpson

Loss for Words

"Oh no!  Aliens, bio duplication, nude conspiracies, oh my god, Lyndon LaRouche was right!" - Homer Simpson

I am at a loss for a way to criticize tonight's Zombie Simpsons.  It was so incoherent, random and boring that the only way to address it on its own level would be for me to drag my knuckles across the keyboard in a random pattern.  So that's exactly what I'm going to do.  

About the rats, the poison, the car crash and the rowboat:

xdsfgbvgnmlkmjiugyfgvtf;l.ku,yjmngtbfdv scwvqc12345dewworeis7kjdy,uxjgcx,.figdkt7ejr4w,7ej,.drsuf6itdr5sltriekejye3hjym7r,dufmcvj cnvbfhtrs6tds6xftc,gkmfdmnyfhf b

Then there was the ancient mystical convent, the time wasting clock scene, Marge spoon feeding Homer's hand, the endless exposition and Bart's saxophone solo:

servgsdgfhkj,klk;jljk.ngcvbx cxvdcfewt4r546u57uityhgbv cxvsgdrt567ui6i8790-090opuioyhgbxcv zcsadwqer34t5y6u7jik89luii8kughgvn xzcdaewsreth6yjt7ku8yli9uiykugmnhf gbdsvewrg5ht6jynrbg df

Finally, we come to the clock tower scene, the giant sign scene, the helicopter ride and the rainbows that shot out of Maggie's head for some reason:

xz csdafgvgrd5tesgsgniaovsl dzxm xdisnf4ujwrmklfdskj;lj;4woprekldfwlrjx ckldmmxcsdkljcx uzdedioxdsaljewfndsmx,m.zcmknlsdfwejiouqq87q38owi9poe;lkdsjfazxmvc zzc,nkdsjfoew94q8ohu3qrihefiovnds kjnh089gvyq3bworeg4h0w90 gnv wgnvnv 75q3 948

Ahhh, that was cathartic.  Could anyone else make anything out of that?  Or have we crossed a line into something so totally disconnected from reality and thought that it's simply beyond our ability to digest?  

Quote of the Day

"Beware the Ides of March." – Lisa Simpson

"No." – Homer Simpson

Saturday Morning Cartoons

"It's good!  It's good!  It's goooood! . . . It's good to see you all in church." - Homer Simpson

Another one of the thousands of reasons that The Simpsons works better than any other show?  Homer, suffering in a church pew like so many Americans, has Lovejoy's sermon sync up with the football announcer.  It's too long ago to be sure, but I think I peed myself - just a little - the first time I ever saw this scene.

Quote of the Day

"So, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that is your real name, have you ever forgotten anything?" – Lionel Hutz

"No.  In fact, I can recite pi to 40,000 places.  The last digit is 1." – Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

Friday Link Dump - Math and Science Edition

"Lisa, your father needs your help.  Do you know anything about Germany?" - Homer Simpson

"Well, it's a country in Europe." - Lisa Simpson

"Good good, I'm learning." - Homer Simpson

I found two different Periodic Tables on-line this week that use Homer Simpson to represent Element 108, Hassium.  It doesn't exist in nature, has a half life of 0.002 seconds and was discovered/created in 1984 by some Germans.  

Cartoon Character Periodic Table - Cobra Commander as Cobalt is good, but having The Tick as Titanium is better.  Also, Flanders is Neodymium; unlike Homer he's stable and exists outside of a laboratory.  (Via Digg)

Video Game Character Periodic Table - There are some cartoon characters sprinkled around this one on the grounds that Homer and Iron Man have been in video games even if they were originally created elsewhere.  My personal favorite here is John Madden, the father of video game football, as Mendelevium which was named after Dimtri Mendeleev the father of the periodic table.  Little known fact, Mendeleev went to grade school with Brett Favre and loves Turducken.  (Via Kombo)

Sexy maths: A number-munching celebration - Don't forget, tomorrow is Pi Day!  On Pi Day for every circle that has its area calculated an angel gets its wings . . . or was it circumference?  I forget which.  On a related note, I'm glad I've never seen the piece of shit episode that makes this link a Simpsons reference, though this is entertaining:

If we had evolved with a different anatomy, say with eight fingers like Homer Simpson, pi would still be the same expression of the unchanging ratio between the circumference and diameter of a circle but using powers of eight rather than powers of ten as our natural base would mean pi began 3.110375...

I miss my base-6 math textbook.  

Old flag's just fine - It seems that there's a debate in Manitoba about changing the provincial flag.  Our author, the awesomely named Ace Burpee, is against it:  

I read one quote online that supporters of a new flag would "like it to be easier for kids to draw". Then change the Canadian flag as well because every drawing of a maple leaf by a child looks like a hybrid between Lisa Simpson's hair and a marijuana leaf.

Because marijuana leaves are so much easier to draw than maple leaves.  

Teaching humanities in a culture of business - A couple of sisters in Buffalo are taking the 'dolt' out of A-dolt education by teaching Shakespeare and other humanities to people who didn't learn them in school.  One of the sisters, Deepa Govindaraj, endears herself to us by saying, "I think 'The Simpsons' is high culture."  

Italy Upsets Canada at World Baseball Classic - The New York Times laughs at the World Baseball Classic's loose eligibility rules and likens them to Mr. Burns bringing in professional baseballers.

Lions even get dissed in animation - The Detroit Free-Press takes a little umbrage at Zombie Simpsons' portrayal last week of evil Flanders as a Lions fan.  Speaking as a Lions fan I'd agree, but speaking as a Simpsons fan I know it's far too much to ask Zombie Simpsons to put thought into things.  "Detroit Lions GM" would've been funnier and more apt that "Detroit Lions Fan".  

TV star dubs cllr "Homer Simpson of Culture" - I know these words but this story makes no sense. 

TV Recap: 24 - Episode 13 8:00-9:00 PM - Jebus I'm glad I don't watch 24.  If a critic can compare the actions of your fictional president to Herb Powell it might be time to watch a different program.  

Craft Village UK revamps Simpsons gift range - "Sounded large when I ordered it.  Ahh, I can't make hide nor hair of these metric booby traps."

A little housekeeping - Wow, NPR is really vacuous and stupid.  This podcast does reference The Simpsons at about the 11 minute mark, but I wouldn't recommend it.  

Bedford police seize drugs that look like kids' vitamins - This is very simple and I'm only going to say it once, DO NOT PUT ILLEGAL DRUGS UNDER YOUR SEAT.  Put them in the glove box or the trunk and if the officer asks to open it you say "No".  I know this, you know this, Jay-Z knows this.  Also, I find it amusing that while the Bart Simpson and Superman ecstasy pills are right side up, the cops have the Autobot symbol upside down.  

Bart or a Flanders kid -- who would you rather raise? - SF Chronicle baby blog, we've praised you before, but this is dumb even by internet standards.

'Simpsons' in stone Hollywood on hold - So you want to make a statue of the family sitting on the couch?  Fine.  I don't think that makes this true: 

the statue would replicate the five-member family sitting on a couch watching TV, a scene in the 2007 "The Simpsons Movie."

You know, they've been sitting on that couch for a long time; it isn't exactly from the movie. 

Detectives identify injured woman - A missing woman is identified by her Marge Simpson key chain.  

Reagan Library Honored for Exhibit - Nothing is more prestigious than an award from the Themed Entertainment Association.  It's so prestigious that the Simpsons ride and the Beijing Olympics also won something.  Enh, it's still better than a Grammy.  

Celebrity sighting: Cy Young Winner CC Sabathia meets Homer Simpson at Universal Orlando Resort - Morbidly obese, past his prime pitcher, recently signed to a bloated contract that he'll never live up to, meets morbidly obese, past his prime cartoon character, recently signed to a bloated contract that he'll never live up to.